I am still feeling like I do not belong down south. Maybe I do but I just don't want to embrace it. I feel like I am never going to get away from this place. DC is still my only escape to independence. I know I could find my own apartment down here but I feel like there is no purpose to doing that. I would just be even lonelier than I am now. At least up in DC I would have something to do and could call an old friend or have some one to hang out with. It has been very difficult to embrace things here because I feel like I should be somewhere else.

I have tried to better myself a few ways down here by getting a CMAA certification and taking care of my own car. Yet, I am still stuck at the same dead end positions. I am a lost child in a field of mazes. And I have still not found anyone to hang out with. It can be difficult to find the right set of girls. Girls don't embrace me very easily. Guys are the same everywhere. I thought I had found a special one up in DC. Unfortunately, I don't think he feels the same way...I know its important to try to move forward for the better and hopefully I will find someone special in the process. I have never been the type to really be head over heels for a guy. I may be for a second but I usually keep my head on straight. If that one is not working out its like, "Oh well. On to the next one." But this guy has done something to my heart and my mind and I don't know how to get pass this stump.

So now I am confused. Am I meant to live down here? Should I just stay here in the sticks and try to find a nice man and finally get comfortable with the people or should I keep pushing my dream to live on my own in the district of Columbia, living the life of a twenty-something year old? I would really like to get from under my parents umbrella and I have been burned a couple of times going back up there because things did not turn out as they seemed. Maybe it was bad timing, or maybe it wasn't meant to be. I know bad things happen sometimes and I have to learn to just take it as it happens and make the best of things. I really believe in hope and faith and if I pray hard enough all my dreams will come true. I will continue to pray and work on getting towards my dreams.