Now as I sit back and think and try to figure out what real love is...I feel like I have completely missed that moment. Not having a man in my life anymore is making me contemplate love and what I was missing all along. I lost my chance to have unconditional love when I gave up the only person who could have turned my life around. Who knows where I would have been with him/her. They would have been my inspiration. I will never know. I know that my parents love me and I love my parents but I would like a family of my own or someone that I could love as much.

When I walk through the baby section in the store, I notice some cute little outfits I can put on him/her. I wonder what my life would've been like? Would I have been more independent? Would I be broke all the time? What if they would have been a child prodigy? He/she would have been 3 years old this year. Too bad you can't jump into some other dimension device to see how your life would turn out if you took another path. Too bad you can't go back in time and chose a different path. Just like in the video games. You lost all of your lives and now it's GAME OVER. But guess what, the game restarts and you are able to try again as if nothing ever happened to you.

But yes, little Camdon would have been such a joy--I'm just throwing names out there. I never thought of myself as the mothering type really but this was something I could call my own and take care of. But that moment is gone. Hopefully, I will meet the right man and we will make someone beautiful together.